34. CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: The Art of Listening in Challenging Conversations with Boyfriend Shawn Frazier

This week, I’m showing you my tender bits. I tried to interview my boyfriend Shawn but in reality what ended up happening is that we just had a conversation. A conversation that feels deeply personal to me because in it, we reflected on a lot of what we’ve been challenged by in our relationship and what we’ve intentionally done to right the ship. 

I wanted to share this with you because I want to acknowledge that these tools we talk about in this community are often easier said than done. We all say we want a conscious relationship but then we point to a solution outside of ourselves. We think “He just needs to change…” or “If only she wouldn’t do this….” or “I just need to find someone who’s better for me.” Meanwhile, we fall back into our old thought patterns, self-sabotaging behaviours and comfort zones and forget that we are 50% of the relationship. 

In this episode, Shawn and I talk about taking sovereign responsibility for ourselves to BE a better partner. 

What You'll Learn in this Episode: 

• The importance of listening to understand in challenging conversations
• How to correct Ego stories as a way to prevent harmful projections 
• How to ask for space to self-regulate your own nervous system 
• Cultivating navigation skills to move through troubled waters 
• What it takes to be a good container
• Why martyrdom does not equal love 

Shawn Frazier has always been intrigued by how people behave and communicate. Growing up, he observed arguments between his parents and wondered how two people whose best interests were so closely intertwined could have such volatile arguments. He identified that having clear and compelling points was only half of the battle and inadequate if not accompanied by careful attention and close listening. Now in his relationships, he strives to be clear in communication, setting boundaries or expectations, but also seeks to fully witness his counterparts to fully understand them. 

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Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.

She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work, she educates space-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.

As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.

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